My Inner Battle

Good Evening Lovelies!

I have been having a rough time lately. I am going to talk about these rough times and how difficult it is to not slip to the dark side with all the stress. Trying to make the stable creatures understand the inner battle of being mentally ill.

3 months ago I left an abusive relationship which ended because the so called love of my life punched me in the face in front of people I care about. I am suffering from PTSD including fear of being alone, terrible night terror, panic attacks and more. Also having a hard time connecting with other creatures and all trust is out the window.  On top of the most recent abuse – the relationship before that one was also abusive. To top it all off a year ago I had to shut down my dance studio because I was in a car accident……oh wait I forgot 2 years ago I nearly died from a blood infection. I feel like it is too much and yet for some whacked out reason here I am still fighting for my best life. Crazy right?

I’m not complaining. I have the most supportive parents, I travel the world, I have passions and I AM A FIGHTER. However, unfortunately I am always thrown a new curve ball just when things are starting to get better. I have been fighting to keep my mental stability. I can feel myself slipping down the dark bottomless pit of depression and I am so scared that if I slip a little too far, this time I may not climb back out. It is very hard to not curl up in a ball and surrender to the darkness.

I KEEP FIGHTING! I have been diagnosed with bipolar for 10 years. I still go to therapy and I am always looking for new ways to grow. My battle is that whenever I feel like I am getting to a stable place the universe throws a wrench in my wheels. Developing my self care and coping skills has been so important. Even though it is so hard to get positive and hustle my ass. I do it because the grass IS greener on the other side. So here I am once again doubling up on all my self care. Here are some of the things I do to keep my fight alive:

  • yoga as much as possible
  • meditation daily
  • no alcohol consumption
  • good sleep hygiene
  • drink loads of water
  • making my friends and family aware that I am suffering
  • telling friends and family that I can’t be the shoulder to lean on right now
  • laugh as much as possible
  • be gentle with myself (positive self talk, diffuse lovely oils etc.)

I want everyone out there struggling to know that they can do it. Please talk to the people you care about and even ask them to join you on your self care adventure. Try to be gentle with your own soul – it is ok to be down in the dumps. Remember you will see the light again and it will be brighter each time! You are wonderful, smart, artistic, fun, weird, beautiful, handsome, different! I hope that me sharing my stories will encourage you to share yours and #startaconversation.

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Shout out to my mother for always having my back and all the shopping therapy over the years. xo
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9 thoughts on “My Inner Battle

  1. You’re honesty and bravery are amazing. Don’t ever give up ! The fools that have hurt you can’t hold a candle to you.
    And your coping tools help you but may help others, too. Love you Sarah.

  2. Sarah your bravery and honesty is inspiring. Kenya illness has been in the shadows and not talked about. You’re bringing it to the forefront and getting people thinking and talking about it. Good for you! It’s a struggle, but as you say, you’re a fighter. You’ve got this. You are fighting to be the best you and live your best life. Sometimes that’s all one can do. You are loved my dear. ❤️

  3. Your strength always amazes me. Keep moving and doing all the right things you are doing. I believe in you Sarah ❤️❤️❤️

  4. Keep up the good fight Sarah!
    I think you are BRAVE, COURAGOUS and yes a FIGHTER.
    Bravo for opening people’s minds and helping those who may be lost right now.

  5. Keep up the good fight Sarah! You’re an inspiration and very brave for opening up about something that is very difficult to even talk about!

  6. It is very brave of you to be so honest to help yourself and others. Never forget that you are loved and you have a light all your own. Keep fighting, keep asking for help and hold onto hope❤

  7. Thanks for being so open and honest about your journey!! You’re amazing and an inspiration for all.

  8. Thank you for being so open and honest Sarah. I shared this with my 14yr old and showed her that no obstacle that life throws at us is insurmountable if we lean on those who love us and find that inner strength that is always there. Keep fighting Sarah, you are helping others.

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